petermarcus (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
petermarcus) wrote2005-01-18 08:28 pm
petermarcus) wrote2005-01-18 08:28 pm
Random
In a weird mood tonight. I had a tough day at work. Side-job stuff, not day-job stuff, but as usual, the side-job I always consider to be my future. The day-job is merely the present.
---
The memory of taste and smell always surprises me. After the day, and the early evening, I had a beer, then a martini, at one of my hangouts on the beach. The release of inhibitions made me lose the staredown of a spare, stale cigarette in my house, so I smoked the first smoke I've smoked in over 10 weeks. The crisp night air, Orion in the sky, burning tobacco in the nose, and thoughts go back to college. I am no fan of winter, and Orion was always in the sky back when I smoked in college. There, it might hit 20 below (Fahrenheit), which is no match for the low 50s I'm in right now, but my blood is spoiled by sub-tropics and the beach, and it's cold enough for me. I checked the weather for Troy, New York, and it's supposed to hit 10 below tonight. Perhaps a part of me will always be connected to a spot 1400 miles north and 14 years behind in space-time.
---
I had a friend in Atlanta, one I worked with at several clients'. I knew his wife and kid, we would bum smokes off of each other during tough times at work. He was a decade or so older than me, but we were in the same niche technology and, as good as he was, as much as I learned aspects of my trade from him, I was, perhaps, a bit better than he at our little corner of the tech world. I heard recently that he died this past Christmas. Lung cancer. He smoked maybe a pack and a half a day of Kool Ultra Lights. He died within three months of detecting the cancer, and now his wife and 13 year old kid are without him. I haven't talked with him in over a year and now I think of him nearly every day.
---
In other news, boat reconstruction is pretty much done. This past weekend, I finished the final major pieces, and the boat is, for all practical purposes, ready to take out. There are small things I still need to do, but nothing preventing me from having a usable boat. Unfortunately, the cold snap is making it impractical to take out. Similar to motorcycles, use of a boat always drops the ambient temperature by a couple dozen degrees, and I don't think I can take 40-something degrees in five foot waves, so the test excursions will have to wait a couple weeks for a warmer period of time and calmer seas. Pictures will be coming soon.
---
My mouth tastes of an ashtray, my stomach and nerves are rebelling against the nicotine, especially after thoughts of Jim. No more -- a promise to myself.
---
The memory of taste and smell always surprises me. After the day, and the early evening, I had a beer, then a martini, at one of my hangouts on the beach. The release of inhibitions made me lose the staredown of a spare, stale cigarette in my house, so I smoked the first smoke I've smoked in over 10 weeks. The crisp night air, Orion in the sky, burning tobacco in the nose, and thoughts go back to college. I am no fan of winter, and Orion was always in the sky back when I smoked in college. There, it might hit 20 below (Fahrenheit), which is no match for the low 50s I'm in right now, but my blood is spoiled by sub-tropics and the beach, and it's cold enough for me. I checked the weather for Troy, New York, and it's supposed to hit 10 below tonight. Perhaps a part of me will always be connected to a spot 1400 miles north and 14 years behind in space-time.
---
I had a friend in Atlanta, one I worked with at several clients'. I knew his wife and kid, we would bum smokes off of each other during tough times at work. He was a decade or so older than me, but we were in the same niche technology and, as good as he was, as much as I learned aspects of my trade from him, I was, perhaps, a bit better than he at our little corner of the tech world. I heard recently that he died this past Christmas. Lung cancer. He smoked maybe a pack and a half a day of Kool Ultra Lights. He died within three months of detecting the cancer, and now his wife and 13 year old kid are without him. I haven't talked with him in over a year and now I think of him nearly every day.
---
In other news, boat reconstruction is pretty much done. This past weekend, I finished the final major pieces, and the boat is, for all practical purposes, ready to take out. There are small things I still need to do, but nothing preventing me from having a usable boat. Unfortunately, the cold snap is making it impractical to take out. Similar to motorcycles, use of a boat always drops the ambient temperature by a couple dozen degrees, and I don't think I can take 40-something degrees in five foot waves, so the test excursions will have to wait a couple weeks for a warmer period of time and calmer seas. Pictures will be coming soon.
---
My mouth tastes of an ashtray, my stomach and nerves are rebelling against the nicotine, especially after thoughts of Jim. No more -- a promise to myself.
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I am so much healthier now than I was then.
If I had continued to smoke, I would not be alive today.
So, no, I don't regret quitting. Nor do I really miss it.
I am sorry you lost a friend. Don't let his friendship go to waste. OK?
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I remember Orion over your left shoulder, listening to Clocks... which we agree, a killer of a road trip tune.
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http://www.space.com/scienceastronomy/solar_storm_050118.html
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http://www.adventurejournalist.com/notebook/
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Don't be so hard on yourself, Peter.
You discovered something important...Your connection to cigarettes now has more to do with drudging up past memories, some good, some not so good. And, it's a stress release...You'll find other ways to combat that.
The point is, you're past the physical addiction phase. Last night, after being stressed, you encountered just the right combination of triggers to set you off. If that happens once every 10 weeks...well then, you're still doing a fantastic job of quitting.