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Jul. 30th, 2001 09:45 pmAs a single, unified thing there exists in us both life and death, waking and sleeping, youth and old age, because the former things having changed are now the latter, and when those latter things change, they become the former.
-- Herakleitos (Heratclitus). Herakleitos & Diogenes, Ancient Greek Dude, 535-475 BC
Feel the beat drop, jazz and hip hop
Drippin in the dome, and mix is on the lock
Funk and fusion, a fly illusion
Keeps ya coastin' on the river we cruisin'
-- US3, Cantaloop, Jazzy Hip Hop Artist, 1993
I don't want to get off on a divorce rant. It's not that kind of divorce. I don't want to leave an impression where I'm suddenly on my knees crying: "Freedom, sweet freedom." It was one of the most difficult life decisions I've made, parts of it will haunt me forever. I'm still making decisions that may or may not be in my best interest.
Yet...
Change.
It's almost two months and I already notice that I've changed greatly -- more than I thought I would in a period of time that should be too short to notice evolutionary processes. There are changes on very deep levels within me. I have had reoccuring dreams for most of my adult life, and the flavor of them has been altered. The stars dream -- for the last five years or so, when I dream of stars, they move and dance about in a way that is Lovecraftian in some sort of terrifying organic wrongness. I dreamed of stars the other night and they were steady and beautiful. The milky way was silver and awesome. I have had some ocean dreams that have not changed too greatly. I haven't dreamed yet of the dreamhouse, or my eros incarnation. I have dreams of being married still, spawning dreamfeelings of being cornered and alone, helpless and hopeless.
I sleep more, as if I'm depressed, yet I feel good. My head buzzes sometimes for no reason, sort of like a lightheaded headrush. Other than MTVX, I have watched exactly two shows on my television in over two months, and I don't miss it (the shows, BTW, were an episode of Iron Chef, a repeat alas, and an episode of that new HBO show 6 Feet Under, which I thoroughly loved -- I may have to make that one a habit).
-- Herakleitos (Heratclitus). Herakleitos & Diogenes, Ancient Greek Dude, 535-475 BC
Feel the beat drop, jazz and hip hop
Drippin in the dome, and mix is on the lock
Funk and fusion, a fly illusion
Keeps ya coastin' on the river we cruisin'
-- US3, Cantaloop, Jazzy Hip Hop Artist, 1993
I don't want to get off on a divorce rant. It's not that kind of divorce. I don't want to leave an impression where I'm suddenly on my knees crying: "Freedom, sweet freedom." It was one of the most difficult life decisions I've made, parts of it will haunt me forever. I'm still making decisions that may or may not be in my best interest.
Yet...
Change.
It's almost two months and I already notice that I've changed greatly -- more than I thought I would in a period of time that should be too short to notice evolutionary processes. There are changes on very deep levels within me. I have had reoccuring dreams for most of my adult life, and the flavor of them has been altered. The stars dream -- for the last five years or so, when I dream of stars, they move and dance about in a way that is Lovecraftian in some sort of terrifying organic wrongness. I dreamed of stars the other night and they were steady and beautiful. The milky way was silver and awesome. I have had some ocean dreams that have not changed too greatly. I haven't dreamed yet of the dreamhouse, or my eros incarnation. I have dreams of being married still, spawning dreamfeelings of being cornered and alone, helpless and hopeless.
I sleep more, as if I'm depressed, yet I feel good. My head buzzes sometimes for no reason, sort of like a lightheaded headrush. Other than MTVX, I have watched exactly two shows on my television in over two months, and I don't miss it (the shows, BTW, were an episode of Iron Chef, a repeat alas, and an episode of that new HBO show 6 Feet Under, which I thoroughly loved -- I may have to make that one a habit).
